Hello Gainesville. As what seems to have become the pattern, I find my latest project, the Infinity Times, crumbling to dust. I’ve tried it all: homegrown, grassroots paper, innovative, snappy startup, I even sold out to the biggest backer in the universe, the once-great Lord Thanos. It turns out that even sucking up to an omnipotent universe-spanning megalomaniacal zealot can backfire on you.
Since nothing has ever and will ever go my way, I’ve decided to fall off the wagon, hard. Now, nothing is off limits; I’m talking slots, blackjack, Three Card Monte, craps, poker, drag racing, Texas Hold ‘Em, everything. I’m spending the rest of my investors’ cash on whatever dopamine rush I can get from casino liquor and house-stacked odds. So, there I am, throwing my dollars and dignity down the drain and wouldn’t you know it, on the TV next to me next to me is coverage of the Gainesville Ultimate Summer League 2024. It seems that this is the one constant in my life, other than hopeless failure. I feel my lingering reporting neural pathways sparking and can’t help but give play-by-plays and analysis on this first game, Royal Flush vs Pink Slips.
In terms of game flow, this wasn’t your average beatdown or slow pull-away. Despite an extremely long first few points where both teams were clearly getting used to playing and finding their flow, the momentum ended up squarely in Royal Flush’s corner. Once the team chemistry started bubbling, smooth zone offense plus high pressure on defense left Flush taking half 8-5. Pink Slips didn’t seem to have an answer to the patient and crisp handling and well-timed cuts that allowed Royal Flush to make steady progress.
However, the Slips punched the nitrous button during the second half. They adapted, partially switching to person defense and taking exquisite care of the disc while on offense. This not only allowed them to hold, but also take advantage of Flush’s increasing number of mistakes. With a streak of two, then three, then four points, the Slips ended up making this game a comeback story, seizing the momentum along with the first official win of the season just one minute before hard cap. Final score was 15-11.
Despite the eventual loss, Royal Flush carried themselves extremely well on both offense and defense. Billy O’Bryan, Rosie, Ani, Danny, and Coach Oster have begun coalescing as the handler core, really showing their ability to reset and turn high stall counts into opportunities for gains. A particularly epic point came from Billy who threw a perfectly arced throw over the defending Billy Field to score. We have confirmed statements from Field detailing that he even baited the throw. But as we all know, regardless of the worm,, no fisherman ever caught perfection. On the cutting front, Hunter, Sam, Andrew, Thomas, Jenny cycled in and out, finding space in both zone and person defensive spaces and continuing disc momentum. Thomas and Sam in particular had a superb game, scoring about half of Royal Flush’s total points (including a wild bookends from Thomas) and Sam managing three assists after huge deep catches that left him shy of the endzone. Shoutout to Jenny and Ani as well for three combined sneaky finish points in tense endzone situations.
On the defensive side, the shiners were the one and only Pat Gettino and Billy Oberon, netting three D’s apiece; Billy’s coming from well-timed and key sky’s off of deep looks and Pat’s coming from field awareness and raw tenacity. Special mentions as well to Mike Ross who claimed for himself the infamous “head D”, which is only bestowed when the paths of fate, destiny, and being turned away from the disc being thrown right at you meet. The craziest D of the game I would say wasn’t technically a D, but a stupendous display of athleticism from both Hunter and Weston Schrock from Pink Slips. Two layouts, one defensive, the other offensive; well done to both for the sacrifice to Ultimate greatness.
At the risk of self-aggrandization, it’s only fair to extol the successes of one’s opponents. Putting aside the fact that they, you know, won, two players worth mentioning are Jared and Nan. Both displayed a reckless (hyperbole, but it’s for the story!!) disregard for bodily integrity to carry their team to sweet sweet points. Nan brought out a tuck-n-roll to keep the disc alive, and Jared showed that he too can bid with the best of them. The only cost being some pokey pokes, but who among us wouldn’t sacrifice some splinters in subtle places for the chance at greatness? As far as I’m concerned, these two have their priorities straight.
So, as I once again fall one card short of a flush around this poker table of broken dreams, I find myself drawn to this plucky Royal Flush team. They’re like me, young, talented, shaken in their first steps toward greatness, but resolute and ready to bounce back. I’m not sure who reads these rambling thoughts of an old washed-up reporter, but perhaps I’ll stick around this TV screen and report on their journey. Who knows, maybe their saga will light a fire in these old bones that not even mid-shelf tequila can put out. Until next time, well-played Royal Flush and well-earned Pink Slips!