5 A.M. February 23, 2022.
I wake up to a phone call.
“There’s been a change of plans. You’re staying in Gainesville.”
I wiped sleep from my eyes as I tried to make sense of the words.
“What do you mean Jack?,” I inquired, “I’ve pledged my body to the Ukranian people. My flight leaves for Krakow in three hours. I’m sneaking across the border and coming to fight!”
“Not anymore,” my mentor responded. “You’re needed in Gainesville.
“A leaked Kremlin document suggests a network of Russian agents has been operating out of Eastside High School for at least 8 years.”
I listened in disbelief.
“Former Russian High Jump gold medalist Ivan Sergeyevich Ukhov has been living undercover in Gainesville since 2012. Remember that kid Danny? They used to call him ‘The Sky Monster?’ He’s known to his Russian brethren as Ivan. He built a spy network comprised of unassuming high school students. They’ve been wildly successful at infiltrating the Gainesville Ultimate community.”
None of this tracked. I knew Danny. I met his family. He gave off no indication that he was anything other than a sweet, slightly cocky high schooler. Was my comrade hallucinating?
“What does Gainesville, Eastside High, or ultimate frisbee have to do with Russia? This sounds like some bullshit, Jack. I want to walk the walk, like George Orwell did in Spain; and its looking like Putin might invade at any mo-“
Jack cuts me off, “Listen to this recording of U.S. Representative Kevin McCarthy in 2016 and listen closely.”
‘There are two people I think Putin pays. Rohrabacher and Trump…Oh, and Jeff Rose. Swear to god.’
“Jack, I remember that story like it was yesterday. The Republican Speaker of the House asserted that President Trump was corrupted by Russian money. It’s burned into my mind. So deeply in fact, that I KNOW Jeff was never mentioned. Have you have you had one too many lime gimlets?”
“Be careful what you claim to know. Jeff’s propaganda minister, Alexi Hartzogovich, did a masterful job scrubbing Jeff out of that story. Speaking of Mr. Hartzogovich, do you know how Jeff produces so many quality email blasts? Russian troll farms overseen by Alexi.”
“I know Jeff well,” I respond incredulously, “we are friends. I went to his 2019 Halloween party and had a great time. On second thought, it was surprising to see Maria Butina there… and her masked friend with the giant Nixon tattoo was a bit odd. He wouldn’t stop talking about doing coke and jailing Hillary Clinton… but we were having so much fun enjoying Meat Man, homemade borscht, and Moscow Mules…”
My words hung heavy in the air.
“You’re starting to see the truth. Gainesville Ultimate has been compromised. We have identified moles and sabateurs on all teams, barring one. A Lime championship is our only hope at saving League. If we let the ‘Phil Nassoy Memorial League Championship Trophy’ fall to the Russians, Putin will gain credibility and start banging the war drum. Sochi Olympics all over again.
“Your mission, ordered by President Zelenskyy himself, is to win the championship. That is how you will help the Ukrainians. Win the ‘ship, and purge league of anti-democratic forces. Reinstate draft placement transparency. Re-open the draft to the public! Bring back mandatory captains reports. Democracy dies in darkness. Provide detailed reports of the goings on in league. Save our sport, save western democracy, Slava Ukraini!!!!”
“Yes, Mr. Skunk. I won’t let you down. SLAVA UKRAINI!”
1:45 PM February 27 Shockingly Old (Lime) vs. Purple Green (Forest)
You would have enjoyed today Jack. Sharing the field we had Zach Floyd, Michelle Fusting, Brandon Bowlin, Chris Falk, Nick McGrane, Justin Held, Tom Brown, Alethia Pantazis, Aaron Colverson, Schooly, and an Overdevest. It felt like old times.
Hot day today. We knew that spelled extra trouble for Shockingly Old’s only two women, Sara and Alethia who also battled through soreness and tightness. The game summary starts with them because they were the most valuable unit on on the squad. They matched up on a squad of very solid women from Purple Green. Michelle Fusting is great at frisbee, as usual.
I went into this game trying to take mental notes, knowing I was tasked with transcribing today’s events. Unfortunately, Lime only had 3 male subs, so sideline time was harder to come by than usual.
After going up 3-1, Lime came out on defense looking for another stop. Boy did they get one! Steven ‘smoother than sorbet’ Schubart had a layout D from the wing position!!! Huge! I ran over to pick up the disc and see if we could get a fastbreak going before the defense was ready. I didn’t like what I saw and I wasn’t liking the around throws my dump was giving me, so I called T.O.
All good, we set it up early in the stall count and I stare at my dump, who doesn’t move. He may have had more faith in my throws than I did at the time, but I wasn’t comfortable releasing the disc with the defender between us. Stall 8 comes and I turn to juice a bladey flick to the back of the endzone. Who comes up with a one-handed one-footed toe tapper in the back of the endzone? The ‘Sorbert Man’!!!!!!!! Holy cow what a bailout!!!!!!! lets goooooooooo bookends! I’m so happy, I was going to be responsible for a turnover.
He was out of bounds? And he didn’t contest? Shucks, lets play defense.
The following offensive possession for Purple G, is where the play of the game happens (my opinion). Forest works the disc past the 5 to a popper named Abbie Post. She turns upfield and releases a 3/4 field monster backhand huck that hit Jess in stride for a score behind the Lime deep-deep, Brandon Bowlin. Purple Green probably knew she had that throw, but it caught Brandon by surprise. Abbie would continue to play solid, minus a noteworthy 2 handed doink in the endzone.
Steven wasn’t the only one with a great snag on the discs way out of bounds. Purple G’s Trey Milne had a controversial snag on the sideline in the endzone too. Another great athletic play to sprint down a disc and tap his toe. At first we all thought he scored, because nobody had a strong call. Everybody on the sideline who had an opinion called him in, including multiple Lime players. Somehow after a discussion on the field it was decided that Lime got the disc. The problem, I think, was nobody on Purple Green had the confidence in perspective and one Lime player called him out. I would like to be able to appeal to the sideline in a case like this. We are all playing with spirit of the game, and if the sideline has best perspective and unanimously agree on a call, their opinion should be counted. We may have got away with one there, but great play Tre baybay.
There were plenty of ugly turnovers this game by both teams. Questionable decisions, inexplicable doinks, throws aways. It was Lime’s ugliest game of the young season. We felt Ben and Bonnie’s absence for sure. There were some absolutely beautiful dimes today too. Zach Floyd delivered many beautiful, floaty hucks. Full field, hitting receievers in stride. His receivers let him down a few times with some misreads and drops. On one such huck, Aaron went deep on me and had me by a mere step. Zach’s throw was on the money, I couldn’t get there. Luckily for me, Aaron also couldn’t quite get there, as he had to slow down slightly trying to find the disc. It came from directly behind him,(yall know how hard those are to locate and catch). He made a spectacular bid and scorpioned his lower half over his shoulders in a huge dirt patch. ‘I want that guy on my team’ I thought to myself, as he hopped up unscathed. We had some fun matchups this game with great spirit. Always a pleasure Aaron.
Tom Brown had two hucks to Schooly that, upon released, I audibly yelled NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. And Schooly caught them for scores. He also had some questionable choices and they ended up being turns. One turn got Schooly upset and yelling. While wasn’t wrong, there are definitely better ways to communicate. We’ll handle that.
We had a bit of contention with the other team about some calls. Nothing too bad. An objective fan might say that Lime was more in the wrong than Forest, but I’m a biased teammate, so you won’t catch me saying anything like that.
We all had highlights, we all had lowlights. Tyler is a great player! He got at least one D, elevated for some high throws that only he could catch, and played with relentless effort in the rough heat. Thank you for finishing your cuts and coming to bail me out on high stall counts. You too Tom Culpepper. Alethia’s score came after a grueling multi-turnover point.
Sara S got a D for Lime! You should have seen her beautiful smile after. Hold on, let me see if I can link a picture. If I linked a picture, go look at it and imagine her in that moment. If I didn’t, my bad, captains reports are hard and I’m trying to remember what happened. She also shut down a lot of throws in the cup. She’s understanding ultimate better each game and having more fun. Shockingly Old is a great team to learn on. We have myriad of veterans and former captains on this team.
There were more epic toetap catches! Lime’s captain Brandon Bowlin sprinted down the field for a huck. I saw Zach break off his man and sprint towards the endzone. It looked like Zach had him, but Brandon reached out and caught it before the D was possible, AND he tapped his toe for a score!!!!!!!!! YESSSSSSSSS. Lets go Brandon! Oh they called him out. No contest. Turnover. Shoot. The play was still outstandin’ Brandon!
Harin Patel played ferocious, unrelenting defense all game. “That guy won’t stop running,” noted Steven at one point. He handblocked me! For some reason I thought I could stop out and do a pushpass backhand. Agile, fast, annoying to cover. He plays how I visualize myself playing. He had an unforced throwaway on the goal line and crumpled in a pile of despair. His determination is clear.
As you can see by the scores, Purple G came back from 13-10 to make it 13-12. Harin’s handblock on me came at 13-11, probably. They scored immediately and the game was in jeopardy. I was exhausted, demoralized, unsure of myself and the team. Did we have anything left in the tank to cross the finish line? I can happily report that we finished strong and won the game 15-13 Shockingly Old (lime) over Purple Green (forest).
That’s my report Jack. Rambling and incoherent. Good luck. I ran out of steam. I ran out of time. Can’t proof read. The memories are fading like they always do. Max Overdevest is good at ultimate frisbee.
