Cars slowly trickled into a little public park on the north east side of gainesville around 1:30. A few solitary people running around, dropping cones. A cute family of 4 playing around soccer goal posts that must have been remenants of a late afternoon game the day before. An older man, seemingly past his prime was doing a slow job warmup, as if he was preparing for his last battle.
Zach Floyd’s head drooped under the softly beating sun, another season, another year of quiet dominance. He knelt down, grabbed a handful of slowly drying grass, looked to the sky; the leaves werent changing colors just yet, but there was something different in the air, a crisp dryness, Fall was around the corner, and a subtle waft of pumpkin spice latte was in the air. He rubbed the grass between both hands so that specks of dust, dirt, and earth sprinkled gently down and were cusped by a breeze that shoved them a few feet. “Wind…” he muttered under his breath, “the great equalizer. Zone, today, zone it is.” He knelt back down and muttered a prayer to the frisbee Gods, willing that his legs and hammies would grant him just “… one undefeated season and championship, and then I can sail into the sunset and pursue my true destiny, Pickleball.”
He wasn’t sure, but just for a moment it seemed as though time stopped, his children suspended in animation, the birds stopped chirping, even a few flecks of grass still clung to his finger tips, Nate could be seen lightly walking across the field with clipboard, shades, and cones momentarily paused as he laid the last of the few cones….. The sun sputtered, glistened, and then twinkled, and just as quickly as it happened the moment had past…. Zach’s sacrifice and offering had been excepted by the flatball Gods.
It was gonna be a good day.
Tommy Akin pulled up across the street, hopped out of his car and began chatting up Adub. Seems Get Shrekked’s old guys were taking a page outta OGres book, arrive early. The rest of the rough shod Rekt Riders trickled in, Jaylynne in her 5ultimate shorts donned over Captain America pajamas, had a cool calm and collected look of “I am not to be trifled with today…” Mo Mohhamed kept his promise to a loved one, and showed up to the fields already cleated and juiced up. Zach Strickland jogged over, with his now broken in Ostrich Leather Copa Mundial Adidas cleats.
Speaking of cleats (which may be Shrekkeds second biggest rival) Ben Baumer showed up ready to go with both Jerseys and Cleats. The kid has been sandbagging all season with a pair of dad new balances. He was apparently cashing in on international business deals and interviews and changing like Clark Kent on his way to the fields, its amazing what a tie and a sharp pair of glasses can do for a disguise.
Whatever was going on, it looks like attendance, Shrekked’s greatest opponent, was gonna be a non issue. Jo Harrow flipped a water cooler flicked the brim of her Patagonia hat and growled something menacing about “going for a nice sunset hike through Oleno State park after all this is over” then she giggled and trotted off.
Naomi walked up and looked like Monday Tuesday Thursday and Friday all cornered her in an alley with baseball bats and demanded she pay an outstanding debt…. Adub offered empty promises of “old people drugs” Not sure if he was talking about the gooey mesh of antihistamine gel pills that he could be seen trying to squish/separate from his fingers… or some other crackhead concoction that was in his hucket bucket. I swear he pulls the nappiest smelling socks outta there every week. I think he refers to them as “my good luck socks” as in… my good luck getting laid socks.
Shrekked apparently lost the toss a Switzer and Devon team for jersey, disc, and side of field. So after we all got naked changing outta dark, Coley had one of them fancy UF reversibles, we were then informed we would be on offense going upwind for the first point. Adub pulled a grimey publix bag he got from Patrick Gettino outta his bucket… and out slithered a soggy white jersey that hadnt seen the air or sun since league last week…. he took a sniff of it and thought, “yeah this will be okay”. Honestly the frisbee field hasnt smelled that bad since Chris Alarcon crapped his pants laying out in the back of the west endzone… poor guy literally had to run 300yrds to the bathrooms before he could clean himself…. or that one time Jacob Speedy stepped in some dog ish mid sprint…. cleats flinging chunks everywhere……
As Shrekked put 7 on the line, Naomi gave some uninspiring speech about how “Upwind O for first point of a game is a great idea”. I’m still unconvinced. Coley noted that the great Jack Clydesdale was not in attendance, and breathed a giant sigh of relief.
Even though Jess’s team was noticeably missing some of their biggest contributors to start the game it appeared Van and a few others showed up just in time for them to field a full line come first point.
I dont remember much about this game in terms of specific plays etc (appears I remembered way too much about stuff that didnt matter) suffice to say I was absolutely terrified of Switzer endlessly bombing monster backhands to Miles of Van. So, Shrekked seemed content to BACK those two as much as possible and see if Kevin could do the impossible, be a patient handler and utilize his biggest asset Jess Peterson, who always seemed to come in clutch when they needed an open under cut.
Duloc Dingers made quick and easy work of the Shrekked zone the first 2 or 3 points. Adub threw 3 unimaginative assists to Coley to start the game off 3-3. Shrekked then decided to give their zone wings a break and just go simple man. Kevin D’d twoof Shrekked’s young guys…. he got a 2 for 1 special when he denied Coley and Drew on a monster upwind huck. Bodies collided and only Switzer stood among the ashes.
Van interestingly enough became handler option a few too many times, throwing buttery inside breaks until Coley had a sick diving layout handblock to shut down his otherwise unhindered disc movement.
Jo Harrow and Ben Baumer both had Nasty run through D’s that instantly turned into massive break points. Jaylynn contributed with a score. Naomi was quietly the back bone of the Shrekked offense as she turned in a stellar performance with Stats across all the important Score, D, assists, and none of the turnover type. Seems like her worst is still everyone else’s best. She’s basically the female version of Batman, think the bruises of Christian Bale’s batman after a night of fighting crime, but Ben Alfeck’s batman, where he looks 15 too many cigarettes into a long night and praying that Robin or Catwoman will finally take the mantle from him. Dear God, what we would all give to be young and beautiful and able to burn the candle on both ends and still be a physical specimen….
I believe Shrekked took half close maybe 6-4 maybe 6-5 and if that isnt what the score was then I beseech thee that thats at least what it felt like. I believe Shrekked maybe took this first game by 3 or 4 breaks… it may have been more or less, but after the opening point of half it felt like Shrekked took its foot off the gas and though, try as he might, Kevin wasn’t able to huck himself outta a deep hole. Kevin is dangerous as a receiver in power position, he was 2 for 2 or 3 for 3 on such hucks…. however, as a stand still, set play thrower, its just not gifted towards his skill set. Like a shark, Kevin needs to constantly move, unlike a shark though, I do not think if you roll him over and rub his belly that he’ll go catatonic… results may vary.
Someone who’s better at taking stats should post the final stats… I ended up having 12 assist thrown and 10 goals caught by Shrekked. I can’t be trusted with such formal things. Fortunately for league this is a fairy tale league based loosely on the historical (is fairy tale and historical in juxtaposition?) timeline of A green Goblin Or Troll… wait… no Ogre… and his mammalian companion who overthrow a Meglomaniac with a Napoleon complex overlord, Pinnochio suspects that he has latent mother issues. I think theres a dragon they must rescue a one “Fiona” from, then theirs this quirky interspecies love affair between Eddy Murhpy’s Dawnkey and a mute Reptilian Behemoth, interspersed with hard to interpret and apply philosophies of “waffles for breakfast” and “ogres have layers like onions and not cake”
Druloc is a perfect place. Thomas Dolce should let that flick flag fly a little more, you beat us 3 ish times with that last game for massive hucks… believe in yourself homie.
Shrekked wins
Second game of the day Shrekked faces off against Schimmel, Alek, Fletcher for the 3rd or 4th time this season, we wonder if theres anyone else in the league, or if this is some sort of scheduling anomaly. On top of the fact that league clearly wants to see this matchup “play out” to the enth degree, they placed us on Field 3, which, despite some of my earlier rants about its constitution, didnt really play as much of a factor as the wind.
Shrekked set a standing 3-3-1 zone that hardly worked. It honestly was so “unstellar” that it felt more like our zone was just showing PussinCleats where and how to to navigate the wind in oder to find the endzone. I believe PnC went up an early break 2-1 maybe 3-2 behind the ever constant handling of Schimmel, and Fletcher not having to do anything because Alek was constantly open and Sam Lovelace is literally a cheat code. Eventually he will supplant Dustin as the 1st pick of the 1st round… you heard it here first. Evan serviced as a decent 3rd handler and Will Cunningham “continues to make good decisions, like he’s played before”. A few of the younger Shrekked players were like, “who is this apparition in the shape of a handler who continually sneaks into the cutter space, and makes veteran pivots, fakes, throws??” To us who know, we are just glad to see his familiar face back in league after a few years establishing his life outside of frisbee… I’m sure its full of mansions, a wife, and at least 5 kids by now.
I honestly think PnC is going to be the “Team noone wants to face in the playoffs”… they have underperformed and done it so blatantly I suspect its on purpose. Why show everyone your hand when the river hasnt even been turned over. Maybe thats a River Rat tactic, but you cant be a River Rat unless your successful, so I tip my cap to them, and pray that we are on the opposite side of the bracket.
The only reason Shrekked wins this one is because of a few prayer blades and hammers that hit their targets and PnC had a few too many gimme throws get sucked into Oops land by the wind.
There was a specific point where PnC had 3 break chance opportunities upwind that could have changed the entire course of the game, and yet, they failed to capitalize on Adubs back to back to back turnover hucks in the endzone…. a reoccuring theme when they play us. I think they’ll be a real problem once Alek gets healthy and the stakes get higher.
Jo Harrow continues to quietly make a case to be a first round female pick, continuing to pad her stats in all three categories. Jaylynn caught a hammer and sliced a perfect throw into the endzone to put PnC outta their misery. Once again Final Score unknown.
Mohammed after a game of shutting down the opponents top handler, the disparity between his play and his stats was grinding his gears, decided to prove he still has what it takes to make a difference, with several key break throw assists and break opportunity D’s. Under valued but not under appreciated.
Shrekked misses Lydia (wedding stuff) apparently “tis the season” and looks forward to the return of several SICK and M.I.A but otherwise important contributors Goetz, Jackson (Car accident and Reserve duty… thank you for your service, I believe our second car accident this week on the team) Brayan Caldera (hamstring injured reserve, Game time decision) and Larissa who is either curled up at home, or in Vegas living it up. One keeps getting so many conflicting reports about her whereabouts, its hard to tell whether truth is among them.
Howard nowhere to be seen, I think UF had some important exhibition game and some tourney he was probably dominating at… that would probably explain why Jack was missing earlier.
Drew though down on himself for his performance still managed to lead the team in all statistical categories. Not sure how healthy his unrealistic expectations of himself are. Might need to talk him down from the edge.
Coley continues to dominate league. The only question is would he rather win League MVP or Finals MVP… only time will tell where the young guns head is at. For the time being, stop kicking cones…. and though possibly gratuitous, thank you for leaving no doubt on the toe in on the front upwind cone. Cant leave anything to chance, so the theatrics were much appreciated.
Theme of the game, Shrekked’s women had the clear advantage and the boys just need to GTFO the way, whether their own way, or their women’s way.
Shrekked by enough in the end. (Ill leave stats up to the more trained statistician)
